❓ Frequently Asked Questions
The questions everyone asks (and our deliberately unhelpful answers)
🔥 Most Popular Questions
Q: Why doesn't Sentence save my documents?
A: Sentence uses our revolutionary "Temporary Document Technology". Your documents are saved in a quantum state where they exist and don't exist simultaneously until you observe them by trying to open them again. This is not a bug, it's Schrödinger's feature.
Q: Average crashed and deleted my spreadsheet. Can you recover it?
A: Your data has been promoted to a higher dimensional plane where it's doing important work calculating the meaning of life. We cannot retrieve it, but we're sure it's happier there. Consider this a spiritual upgrade for your spreadsheet.
Q: My WeakDot presentation put my entire audience to sleep. Is this normal?
A: Congratulations! You've achieved the WeakDot Ultimate Achievement: "Mass Hypnosis". This is our most advanced feature, designed to bring peace and tranquility to stressful business meetings. Your presentation has successfully eliminated workplace anxiety.
Q: Instare seems to be reading my mind. How do I turn this off?
A: Mind-reading is a premium feature that comes free with Instare Pro Max Ultra. To disable it, please think about not wanting mind-reading while using the application. If Instare reads this thought, it will pretend not to have this capability.
Q: Block database won't let me access any of my data. What's wrong?
A: Nothing is wrong! Block uses military-grade security that's so advanced, it even protects your data from you. This ensures 100% data security by making it 100% inaccessible. Your data is perfectly safe in a place where nobody, including you, can find it.
Q: ManyNotes created infinite parallel universes. Is this covered by warranty?
A: Interdimensional side effects are explicitly excluded from our standard warranty. However, you now have unlimited note-taking possibilities across infinite realities. Please consult with the Council of Alternate Selves before making any warranty claims.
💰 Pricing & Billing Questions
Q: Why am I being charged for features that don't work?
A: You're paying for the experience, not the functionality. Think of it as performance art or an expensive lesson in patience. The non-working features are our most popular ones because they save you time by not doing anything.
Q: Can I get a refund if I'm not satisfied?
A: Satisfaction is subjective, and we've subjectively determined that you are satisfied. Our no-refund policy is designed to help you appreciate what you have, even if what you have doesn't work. Consider it a life lesson in acceptance.
Q: Why do prices increase every time I look at them?
A: Our pricing uses dynamic quantum economics that responds to observation. The more you look at prices, the more valuable our products become. Try not looking at prices to get the best deals (results may vary).
🔧 Technical Support Questions
Q: What are the minimum system requirements?
A: Our software requires a quantum computer from the future, at least 64GB of hope, and a fiber optic connection to Mars. However, it will still run poorly on any system, so don't worry too much about specs.
Q: Why does your software conflict with everything else on my computer?
A: Muskosoft products are designed to be unique snowflakes that don't play well with others. This exclusivity ensures that you'll have a one-of-a-kind computing experience that nobody else can replicate or fix.
Q: When will you fix the bugs in your software?
A: Our bugs are carefully crafted features that add character to your workflow. We have a dedicated team working around the clock to ensure these features remain consistent and surprising. Bug fixes are scheduled for sometime after never.
🚀 Product-Specific Questions
Q: Can I import my Microsoft Office documents into Muskosoft products?
A: Yes! Our import feature will successfully convert your organized, functional documents into abstract art installations. Your spreadsheets will become poetry, your presentations will achieve enlightenment, and your documents will transcend the need for actual words.
Q: Is there a mobile app?
A: Our mobile app exists in a beta state that's so advanced, it's not yet compatible with current reality. We're waiting for mobile technology to catch up to our revolutionary approach to not working properly.
Q: Do you offer training for your products?
A: We offer comprehensive confusion training that will prepare you for the unpredictable nature of our software. Our certified trainers will teach you advanced techniques in creative problem-solving and acceptance of chaos.
🎭 Philosophical Questions
Q: Is Muskosoft a real company or an elaborate joke?
A: The boundary between reality and parody became obsolete when we achieved our $3.2B valuation. We exist in a superposition of being both completely serious and utterly ridiculous. Our investors seem to find this quite valuable.
Q: Why do you make software that deliberately doesn't work?
A: In a world full of functional software, we dare to be different. By creating products that challenge traditional notions of "working", we're pushing the boundaries of what technology can fail to accomplish. We're digital artists, really.
Q: What is the meaning of productivity in the context of Muskosoft?
A: Productivity is a social construct that we've deconstructed and rebuilt as "creative procrastination". By preventing you from completing tasks efficiently, we give you more time to contemplate the nature of work itself. This is productivity enlightenment.
🤔 Still Have Questions?
If your question isn't answered here, that's probably because the answer would make even less sense than these ones.
⚠️ Warning: Contacting support may result in receiving answers that are even more confusing than the questions. Proceed with caution and a sense of humor.